One of the earliest problems I encountered in my life was the way I dealt with stress. When given a major project or a deadline, I usually work myself to exhaustion on the first day, first week, and often times until it's done. For example, I once created an original 50 page website on Apples in one night for a class project. Did I need to make it 50 pages? Yes. Did I need to do it in one day? My eyes still wish I hadn’t. It isn’t that I try and get it “out of the way”, but it’s more that I have trouble sleeping if I don’t know exactly what I have left to do. And even when I do know what I have, I check and recheck lists and outlines just to be sure its accurate. Even further, I have a very negative outlook on my own works (written, visual, etc) and it’s extremely difficult for me to be happy with what I produce. Maybe it’s a low self esteem or a keen ability to fish for compliments, but I have always been this way.
Knowing this when I entered the EMDTMS program had me terrified before the start of month 1. Aside from learning about educational gaming, digital literacy, and memorizing Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues, I also managed to deal with my stress in a much more normal process. The most important change comes in a thought process based on the words, “everything is going to be ok.” This simple statement (repeated throughout the day, over and over…) has left me with a sense of calmness and positivity. My girlfriend has learned to simply pretend to listen to me explain what I have to turn in, as she knows I’m only going through my list. Maybe my tendencies lean to an OCD diagnosis, but when I thought they would be at their worst, I actually made it out alive. Well, At least to month 11.
My response:
You are not alone in the stress factor and even more so in your behavior. I think there are many of us out there, myself included, that are not happy with what we produce even though other people love it. We are the type that are very hard on ourselves and demand perfection. It is not a lack of self-esteem and it can actually be a good quality to have. i often think my work is sub par and I am reassured that that is just not the case, but I know I expect a lot of out myself and at some point I have learned to just let go of that fear that I am not good enough.
This year has been a stressful one for us all, especially for those of us who are so hard on themselves and demanding so much. The speed at which the class went and the amount of work that goes into each month is enough to drive any ordinary person, insane. Fred, I have seen your work over the past year and have had the pleasure of working with you on group projects and you have done a fabulous job. I hope you take that to heart. I liked that you worked fast and furious to get the projects done early and did it with such ease and with perfection.
Let the stress fall on the floor, we are almost there.
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